Where You Lead
by Mel.K
Summary: Will Jess find himself? Or will he fall into the deep hole he's dug for himself.
1. California

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Where You Lead

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Chapter 1 - California

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A/N: Hey, hey! I know it's been a while, but here is the beginning of my next story. This time I decided to use theme songs from other TV shows as the inspiration for my storyline so feel free to let me know of any themes you'd like to see used and please, PLEASE let me know if this sucks or what. So R & R and enjoy! And just for the record this story starts when Jess leaves Stars Hollow for the second time after the party and the fight with Dean. Also, one more thing, I thought it would be kinda kool to see how many of you can guess what show the songs are from. OK now I'm done!

Mel

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Disclaimer: Thanks ASP for the characters and thanks Phantom Planet for the song!

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We've been on the run, driving in the sun, lookin' out for number one

California here we come, right back where we started from

Hussies grab your guns, your shadow weighs a tonne, driving down the 101

California here we come, right back where we started from

California, here we come

On the stereo, listen as we go, nothing's gonna stop me now

California here we come, right back where we started from

The pedal to the floor, thinkin' of you more, gotta get us to the shore

California here we come, right back where we started from

California, here we come

California

California, here we come

As Jess watched her walk away through the grimy window of the public transport system, he fought the urge to follow her. To tell her that he loved her, but pride and machoness got in the way. The bus started up again and Jess filled his head with images of sun, sand and happier times. _California, here I come._

The only way to make it through the next three days was to sleep for the whole journey. But whenever Jess closed his eyes, he saw her. Smiling at him menacingly, as if to say, _look what you've done. You're a loser. Running away from everything that's good in your life. Why would you want to live like this? You finally had something worth while. Luke, me… Why compromise that? Why throw it away. Why… Why… WHY!_

With a jolt he opened his eyes. Some old lady was shaking him and screaming in his ear that they'd reached the end of the line. They were in California and there was no going back. Unless of course you wanted to pay for the fare back, which Jess didn't. He hastily grabbed his duffel bag and got off the bus. This was it. Sunny California. Not so sunny at the moment, but it would do. He headed to the nearest information stand and bought a map of the area and headed to the closest payphone.

Putting a quarter in the slot, he dialled the only number he could think of.

"Hello?" Nothing. "Hello?" Again, nothing. "Jess? If this is you… I think I might have loved you. But not anymore…"

With the dial tone still fresh in his head Jess hung up. With her hating him, it made it easier for him to stay in California. He had nothing to go back to, thus no reason to feel guilty about staying. He picked up the phone book and slipped another quarter in the slot. Dialling the number, Jess felt nauseous.

"Yeah?"

"Uh, Jimmy?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Jess."

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A/N: OK I know it's pretty much stuff you guys have already heard, seen or read, but I figured I'd start out by covering familiar territory and see how it ends up.


	2. I'll Be There

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Where You Lead

Chapter 2 - I'll Be There

A/N: OK a lot of you guys probably won't know this song, but have fun reading the totally unrelated chapter of this fic! Keep R & R-ing!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Rebecca Lavelle!

It all takes some time

To find your heart and come back home

You go on for miles

Cross every river

To find you're not alone

'Cause I'll be there

I'll be there

Fronting up to Jimmy's was easy. He didn't expect an explanation. He wasn't big on the talking. He didn't ask too many questions, especially ones Jess didn't want to answer. He didn't question every move Jess made. He didn't pretend to be the dad Jess never had. He didn't try too hard. For all extensive purposes he was a strange guy letting a strange kid crash at his place for free. And this worked for Jess. No one to answer to, therefore no one to disappoint. Maybe this really was the life he'd been looking for. No rules, no restrictions, just freedom and lots of it.

It wasn't until Jess decided to really push the limits, he found out how far Jimmy was willing to be pushed. After a three day party, Jess rolled up to Jimmy's expecting to find everyone going about their business as usual. However freedom, he was discovering, came at a price. Jimmy, was sitting in an arm chair facing the front door. He looked as if he hadn't slept for a couple of days and hadn't eaten longer than that.

"What time is it Jess?" Jimmy asked patiently.

"Well, when the big hand reaches the one, that means that it's one 'o' clock. So, now you look at the little hand and it tells you how many minutes past one 'o' clock it is. So if you see now, it's about twenty-five past one." Jess answered just as patiently.

"Okay, so you can tell time. So tell me, what day is it Jess?"

"You can't tell time and now you've forgotten the days of the week? It's Monday. The day is Monday." Jess's condescending tone was getting on Jimmy's nerves.

"Care to tell me where you've been for the last three days?" He was determined not to lose his cool, to his kid. Especially when he was trying so hard to get along with him.

"No." Was the only reply he received.

"You leave on Friday night. No note. No "I'll see ya later." For all I know you disappeared off the face of the earth for the last three days."

"Please. Don't pull the protective father act on me now, it's a little late for that don't you think?"

"Don't patronise me Jess. My willingness to comply with your terms is dwindling significantly! I let you live in my house, rent free. I never asked for an explanation as to why you turned up my doorstep unannounced. And what do I get for it?" Jimmy demanded. "And nothing. No smart remark. Nothing to say to me? Do you even have a good reason? Or are you trying to get your ass kicked outta here?" Jimmy had had enough of being Mr Nice-dad-trying-to-make-his-kid-like-him.

"If I wanted to leave I would. I wouldn't need your permission. I was at a party, with some friends. Are we done?" Jess wanted out of there, fast.

"No Jess, we're not done. We haven't even started yet. I want answers and I want them now. What are you doing here? Am I just a free ride? Or are you actually interested in having a relationship with your father?" Again, no response. "Jess, I tried hard to get along with you. I took you in and let you do whatever you wanted…" Jess suddenly got inspiration and interrupted.

"You took me in! Oh great! Eighteen years of nothing and all of a sudden you expect me to be grateful coz you "took me in!" I didn't come here to be fathered. I came here for a new start and because I needed a place to crash. No big. If you don't want me here I'll leave, all you had to do was say so! I'll be gone in an hour."

"Don't play that card with me Jess! The guilt thing may have worked for your mother and all those freaks in Starry Hole, but I've had time to get used to it! Your more screwed up than you think. You're nothing but a lost little boy, who can't find his way!"

"Yeah, well like father like son right?" Jess retorted smartly and stormed into his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Dammit Jess! Get back in here. If you think I'm just gonna let you walk outta here, you're sorely mistaken!" Just then the phone started ringing.

"WHAT!"

"Uh, Jimmy?" Came the gruff voice at the other end of the line.

"What?"

"It's Luke. I just wanted to say, that Jess has done another runner and he may turn up in California. Just giving you the heads up."

"Well, it's about three weeks too late. Jess is already here and now he's leaving." Jimmy informed him.

"What? He's there? Can I talk to him?"

Jimmy pulled the phone away from his ear and called out. "JESS! There's someone on the phone for you!" Putting the phone back to his ear, he told Luke, that Jess was coming.

"You couldn't tell him that's it's me? You can't even say my name?" Luke asked gruffly.

"Do you really think he'd take the phone knowing it's you? If I'm not mistaken, he came here to get away from you."

"Just get Jess."

Jess re-entered the room and snatched the phone from Jimmy's hand and took it back into his room away from prying ears.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing in California Jess?"

"Ah man! I get the third degree from him and now you're calling to what? Gimme the second degree?"

"Actually I called to see if you were there. You know because, you were "missing." You told no one where you were going. You said good bye to no one. You broke Rory Gilmore's heart. She doesn't even come in the diner anymore. You just up and left without even letting _me _know where you were going. It's a common courtesy Jess! Or do you not care?"

"So you're mad with me right?" Jess asked, changing the subject completely.

"No. I'm not mad Jess. To be mad, would require me to care."

"So, you don't care?"

"No."

"So, why are you calling?"

"Fine. You know what?… Fine. I will be here if you want to come back. I will be here if you don't. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. Let me know when you find it. I'll be sure to throw a party in your honour. Goodbye."

For the second time that month, the dial tone blared in his ear. Phone conversations to Stars Hollow did not seem to go well.

He chucked the phone on his bed and started stuffing his duffel bag with stuff. The good thing about living on the go, was that he could fit his life into a bag and carry it with him to wherever he wanted to go. Re-entering the living room for the last time, Jimmy was still sitting in the same arm chair.

"Later." Was all he said as walked out the front door, never once looking back.


	3. Who Are You

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Where You Lead

Chapter 3 - Who Are You

A/N: Hey y'all. Thanks for reading! Keep R and R-ing!

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Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and The Who.

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I woke up in a Soho doorway  
The policeman knew my name  
He said, "You can go sleep at home tonight  
If you can get up and walk away"  
I staggered back to the underground  
The breeze blew back my hair  
I remembered throwing punches around  
And preachin' from my chair  
  
Who are you  
Hu hu hu hu  
Who are you  
Hu hu hu hu  
  
I took the tube back out of town  
Home to the rolling pin  
I felt a little like a dying clown  
But with a streak of Rin Tin Tin  
I stretched back and I hiccupped  
Looked back on my busy day  
Eleven hours in the tin pan  
God there's got to be another way  
  
Who are you  
Hu hu hu hu  
Who are you  
Hu hu hu hu  
  
There's a place where I know you walked  
The love falls from the trees  
My heart is like a broken cup  
I only feel right on my knees  
I spill out like a sewer hole  
Yet still receive your kiss  
How can I measure up to anyone new  
After such a love as this  
  
Who are you  
Hu hu hu hu  
Who are you  
Hu hu hu hu_

Being homeless had it's downside. No food, no money and little sleep. On the flipside, Jess had no one to answer to. No responsibilities. Jess found a shelter on the other side of town, to get food and shelter. No one would recognise him. He was free to bludge off the good people of America without a guilty conscience or interfering family.

It wasn't until Jess had been introduced to the world of cocaine that he began to realise how low he'd sunk. He knew consciously that he was better off going back to Jimmy's and finding a job. But in the forefront of his mind, the only thing that mattered was getting his next fix. Sticky had promised to come by every Tuesday with enough coke to last Jess the week and he had a week to come up with the dough.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and before he knew it, he'd been living on the streets for a little over a year. But that was all about to change. There was an organisation - Habitat for Humanity - that was willing to build a house for the bums under the bridge. Jess figured if he relocated to there, he'd be able to get a share in that house and live his life of sex and drugs in a nice place, instead of the homeless shelter, in which he'd previously been taking refuge.

It got harder to come up with the money for his habit, but at that stage, he needed it more than he needed his next breath. More than he wanted to carry on living. More than he wanted Rory Gilmore. Whoa! Where did that come from? He hadn't thought about Rory for over a year. Why suddenly now? Perhaps it was the drugs wreaking havoc on the part of his brain that contained his memories. It didn't matter. Leaving Rory was nothing compared to the mess he'd made of his life now.

That was it. Jess vowed to himself (and to Rory) that he'd get clean. He'd get clean and make something of himself. So he tried. He really did. He found a job bagging groceries in a supermarket. He never really pictured himself as a bag-boy. A Dean! But he needed to get himself out of the hole he'd dug for himself.

Then, as if the angels were lending him a helping hand, he met a girl. Stella. She was gorgeous. They were perfect together. She was as much of a rebel as Jess. They lived together well for a while, but all was not well in paradise. As much as Jess had tried to stay clean, he just couldn't. As it turns out, Jess was Sticky's best customer and Sticky wasn't willing to let up as easy as that. He talked Jess into buying a months worth of coke and told him to make it last. Of course, he couldn't. The "months" worth was gone within three days, between him and Stella. So, Jess cornered Sticky with the money he'd been saving to re-do senior year and bought two months worth.

Back at home however, Stella had been doing some dealing of her own. She had sold every piece of food, furniture and spare clothing for whatever marijuana the customer could hand over. While this seemed like a good idea to Jess at the time, things got worse. Neither Jess nor Stella had showered in weeks. They both were living on scraps out of the garbage tins out the back of the apartment building. Jess had lost his job. They were both craving a decent fix. They were at risk of Stella being pregnant. And Sticky was banging down the door every other night demanding to be paid for the drugs they'd been scamming off him since they lost everything.

Jess felt he had to have died and gone to hell. There was no way the old Jess would have let things get this bad. He tried to pull up any rational thoughts and think of a way to get them out of this mess. But as hard as he tried, the only thoughts he could conjure was, _'Go back to Jimmy's' _and _'Steal money for more coke.' _And since going back to Jimmy's was definitely not an option, they had no Jess had no other choice but to agree to let Stella go out and sell herself. Jess by no means approved of this and wouldn't let her do it unless there was no other way. And in his defence, it was Stella who had brought it up. She'd suggested it and it would only be for a while, to give Jess time to find a job and so they had money in the meantime.

However when Stella came home after her first night on the street, Jess no longer found her appealing. When you loved someone, you expect them to be yours and only yours. You don't let them go and sleep around, even if it is to support you. And the thought of other men with their filthy, rich hands all over Stella made Jess sick.

He decided to leave her. Over the months, they'd discussed going to Jimmy for help, but Stella refused to have a bar of it. She liked the way she lived. She had friends, money and freedom, that was all she ever wanted. And for a while, Jess thought that's what he wanted but, it's wasn't. Not anymore. He packed up what little things he had left and made for the stairs. But as luck would have it, slinking out without a word was not an option this time. Stella happened to be arriving home just as Jess was walking out the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked him quietly.

"Away."

"Away where?"

"You could come with me you know. Jimmy wouldn't mind helping…" He began to explain, before Stella interrupted.

"I told you Jess, this is the way I like to live. Granted it's not the perfect life and having men pay me for sex isn't the ideal job, but admitting I'm wrong isn't my style."

"Then I'm going without you. I can't stand the thought of you going out again. Admitting I'm wrong isn't my style either, but I also know when I'm in trouble and need help." He told her.

"Just give it time Babe. I love that you care about me that much, but it won't be forever. Just 'til you find a job."

"That's what you said months ago. Then I did find a job and you still went out. How long does it have to go on?" He pleaded.

"It's money Jess, don't you understand that?"

"Jimmy will help us. He hasn't done a lot for me, but I know he'll do this. Come with me."

"Jess…."

"I'm going to ask you once more and then I'm going to walk out and I'm not coming back. And if you don't believe me, just ask my ex-girlfriend. Please come with me."

"I can't Jess. I'm sorry." She replied calmly.

"Me too." And with that, he picked up his bag and walked out the door.


	4. Everywhere You Look

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Where You Lead

Chapter 4 - Everywhere You Look

A/N: Hi guys. Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I discovered the world of fan art and so I've been busy with that and skool, so again I'm sorry!

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Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and the creators of this song!

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Whatever happened to predictability

The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV

Everywhere you look, there's a heart

I'm here to hold on to

Everywhere you look, there's a face

Of somebody who needs you

When you're lost out there

And you're all alone

The lion is waiting to carry you home

Everywhere you look

Everywhere you look

"_You're _making me crazy!" Jess screamed. Red-faced and sweating, he struggled with Jimmy to get out of the room he'd been locked in for the last eight days.

"No, you're making yourself crazy." With one final shove, he managed to get Jess into the armchair beside his bed. "This would be so much easier if you would at least try to help yourself."

As Jess had assumed, Jimmy had taken Jess back in without hesitating. He'd also without fail, locked Jess in his room and sat in there with him since he'd arrived back. Jess had said himself that he didn't want a life of drugs and sex anymore. He'd, for the first time in his life admitted that he needed help. So that's what Jimmy was trying to do. Help. But at this stage, it didn't seem to be going well. Over the last eight days, Jimmy had endured nineteen years worth of drug-enhanced rage and wasn't feeling any better for it. And what was worse, was that Jess didn't show any sign of running out of ammo for quite some time.

"I swear to freakin' God Jimmy… If you don't let me out…" Jess started.

"You're gonna what?" Jimmy met Jess's request for a threat. "Hit me with more shit about what a crap father I am? Punch me again? Do it! See if I care. And see if I care less from it!" He demanded.

"Oh right! Here comes the, _'I love you no matter how bad you treat me,' _phase right? It was so a mistake to come back to you. Stella tried to warn me, but I foolishly thought I knew better! Well more fool me!" Jess yelled, mainly at himself, because it seemed Jimmy had switched off.

"And where is Stella now Jess? Out sleeping with rich, old guys for money! Is that how you wanna live? Huh? Is it?"

"Actually yes!" Jess got up of the chair he was in and moved towards Jimmy, who was blocking his exit. "So, if you'll kindly get outta the way…" Jimmy pushed him forcefully back into the chair.

"I'm not moving. Which means you're not leaving. And if I have to wait another eight days, hell if I have to wait another eight years, for God knows what to flush out of your system… Then it's gonna be a long eight years for you." Jimmy told him.

"It's none of your business what I inhale. Or smoke, or whatever. The only way, to get me to calm down is to let me go!" Jess tried to explain, still screaming. Without warning, Jess threw himself into a fit of rage and started picking up everything that wasn't too heavy and throwing it against the wall. Once he was done with that, he tried to take on Jimmy. Throwing wild punches left, right and centre. Jimmy however grabbed a hold of Jess's arms and pulled him tightly into what could be mistaken for a hug. Jess struggled for a while, before crying himself into a deep sleep in Jimmy's arms.

With that Jimmy took the opportunity to put Jess on the bed and shower and eat before Jess woke up and started the whole cycle again. Insults, threats, fit, tantrum, exhaustion, sleep. That's the way it had been twice a day, every day for the last eight days.

Over the coming weeks, Jimmy slowly began to see Jess come alive. The real Jess. Not this shell of a human, who'd been inhabiting Jess's body for the last twenty months. The fits were less fits and more screaming matches with Jimmy. He slept longer and mainly at night. He was coherent enough to have civilised conversation. It seemed that whatever Jess had poisoned himself with, was finally washing itself out of Jess's body.

But something had changed. Jess had given up the urge to get out. He'd even admitted that he didn't have the burning pain that a hit would have cured anymore. But something wasn't right. Jimmy still didn't trust him enough to leave him alone. So as Jess sat on the edge of the bed and stared out the window, Jimmy had to look away. He hadn't been much of a father and probably deserved the majority of what Jess had said to him during his withdrawal, but to see a guy that messed up, carrying so much pain around, a guy that happened to be his son, damn near killed him.

"Jess?" Jimmy said quietly. Jess turned to look at him. "When you look out the window… What are you seeing?"

"Not now Jimmy. I'm not hearing voices or seeing things that aren't there. I'm a junkie, not insane." Jess snapped back. Jimmy took that as a sign that Jess would rather be left to his thoughts and picked up the book he'd started after last nights screaming match. He was half-way through his third page when Jess spoke.

"Sometimes I see her smiling like an evil clown, like the one from 'It.'" He said calmly. "But most days she takes the form of someone who's actually out there. Walking the dog, or buying a hotdog, or hailing a cab." Jess told his father, not really making any sense.

"She? Stella?" Jimmy asked. Jess snapped his head around to look at Jimmy. As if he'd never spoken.

"Huh?" Jimmy figured that Jess hadn't meant to speak aloud, so kept it to himself. He was glad his son had finally opened up to him, even if it was by mistake.

"Nothing, I was talking to myself." Jimmy reassured him.

A few weeks had passed by and Jess seemed back to his old sarcastic self. Jimmy hadn't allowed him to leave the house, but not because he didn't trust Jess to not stay clean. It was more he didn't trust the outside world. But no matter how normal Jess seemed during the day, Jimmy still walked by his room and found him staring out the window. Probably staring right at 'her'.


	5. One of Us

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Where You Lead

Chapter - One of Us

A/N: Please! R & R! I'm starting to feel a little rejected! Does my writing suck? Let me know what you think and whether I should stop torturing you! And I thought I would personally say something to **smile1 **because you have read all of my work (Well my fanfics at least!) And I just wanted to say thankyou for continuing to support me and reviewing and inspiring me to keep writing! And it really does help when you tell me when my stuff sucks! I've since removed In Ten Years coz I really hated it! I wrote it ages ago at like 2 in the morning. I plead temporary insanity! And if you or anyone wants to check out my original work head to OK now on with the story!

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Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Joan Osborne.

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If God had a name what would it be?  
And would you call it to his face?  
If you were faced with Him in all His glory  
What would you ask if you had just one question?  
  
And yeah, yeah, God is great  
Yeah, yeah, God is good  
yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah  
  
What if God was one of us?  
Just a slob like one of us  
Just a stranger on the bus  
Tryin' to make his way home?  
  
If God had a face what would it look like?  
And would you want to see if, seeing meant  
That you would have to believe in things like heaven  
And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets?  
  
Back up to heaven all alone  
No, nobody calling on the phone  
No, just tryin' to make his way home  
Nobody calling on the phone  
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

And yeah, yeah, God is great  
Yeah, yeah, God is good  
yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?  
Just a slob like one of us  
Just a stranger on the bus  
Tryin' to make his way home?

Just tryin' to make his way home

Like a holy rolling stone

Back up to Heaven all alone

Just tryin' to make his way home  
Nobody calling on the phone  
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

"Do you believe in God, Jess?" The middle aged woman sitting opposite him asked. Jess had grudgingly made a deal with Jimmy that he would see a therapist. In return he got a job manning Jimmy's hotdog booth.

"What sort of a question is that? I thought you were supposed to be helping me." Jess retorted, avoiding the question.

"So you don't?" She asked again.

"I never said that."

"So, you do?"

"I never said that either."

"So, what are you saying Jess?"

"Will you stop saying that. Stop saying my name like I'm insane and might have forgotten it or something." Jess told the therapist.

"I can only help you if want to be helped. So far you've avoided all of my questions and the only reason you've opened your mouth is to tell me I should be helping you. Now, I want to help you Jess. Why did you come here?" The woman replied soothingly.

"Because my dad told me he'd give me a job if I saw a therapist."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Why does your dad think you should be here?" She asked the surly young man.

"Because I'm a junkie. But I've been clean for about three months. Sometimes I look out the window and he gets all psycho and continuously asks me what I see when I look out the window and bull like that. I'm not freakin' insane." Jess replied.

"What _do _you see?" She asked him calmly. Jess just looked at her. He contemplated dodging the question, like he always did with Jimmy. But part of him wanted to know why he saw the things he did. Maybe this woman could tell him.

"My ex-girlfriend." Was all he offered. The therapist took this and ran.

"Does she have a name, or is it irrelevant?"

"Rory."

"And I'm guessing when you see her, she's not actually there?" Jess just shook his head.

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No. No she's not. Maybe I am freakin' insane! I'm seeing things and I'm now telling people that I'm seeing things! What the hell is wrong with me? But it's not like I actually see her. She doesn't stand there and see me back or talk to me. Not that she would if she were actually there…

"Does she talk to you? I mean… Is she actually there to you. Can you interact with her?" The therapist asked, interrupting Jess's thoughts.

"No. I more imagine her. There'll be someone walking their dog and all of sudden, it'll be Rory, walking that dog." Jess explained, becoming more and more convinced that he was indeed insane.

"Okay. Well, for a minute I thought maybe you did have some psychological problems that you have needed help with, but it sounds like you're just suffering from grief." She explained.

"She's not dead!" Jess yelled, getting defensive.

"Somebody doesn't have to be dead for you to grieve for them. To grieve is to feel sorrow. And that sounds like what you're doing with Rory. You miss her. You _want _to see her, but somehow you're prevented from doing so, just like when someone dies." She reassured him.

"So, this'll all go away if I see her? For real. Actually talk to her?" Jess asked.

"Well, I'm not quite sure. What were the circumstances on which you parted?"

"I left." He replied flatly.

"So, it was you who instigated the parting?"

"Yeah." He wasn't going to offer up anymore information than he had to.

"Can you tell me why you left her?" The therapist asked trying to drag a bit of history out of this troubled guy.

"I left the town she lived in and in the process left her." He corrected her, trying to delay answering.

"Okay, so why did you leave the town?" She tugged a little harder.

"To meet my father." Admitting defeat, he paused, then continued. She obviously wasn't going to let up until she had a good background, so Jess figured he might as well make it easier for himself. "He left my mom and I the day I was born. Then when I was seventeen my mom said I was too much hassle so she shipped me off to live with my uncle. Then a year or so later he appeared in town, claiming he just wanted to see what I looked like. Then he left. Again. I was happy to see the back of him and then Rory's ex-boyfriend and I got into a fight, which then led to Rory not talking to me. The thought popped into my head, to actually meet my dad and find out what he was like and I followed through with it. I packed up my stuff, got on a bus and left. Does that tell you everything you need to know?"

"Almost. Except for why you're now so messed up about Rory."

"So, you admit. I am insane." Jess inquired.

"No, that's not what I said. But you have issues about leaving Rory, which have intensified due to the amount of time that's passed and your drug dependency. Have you thought about why you might have these issues?" She said it politely enough, but Jess felt patronised.

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Have I thought about why I might have these issues? It's all I've thought about. That and how to not have these issues.

"Not really. Mainly just how to not have these issues." He told her.

"Did you love her?" The woman asked. The question hit Jess like a sucker punch to the gut.

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YES! "I guess. I don't know." Jess answered.

"Okay. I know hypnotherapy isn't my specialty. I only use it on those I believe will get the most value out of it…" Jess took the opportunity to interrupt.

"NO!, No, no, no, no! You are NOT hypnotising me! I barely agreed to therapy!"

"Please Jess, Just listen to me before you say no. It'll help you deal with some of those issues subconsciously. You most likely won't remember anything you say or do while under hypnosis, so if knowing what's hidden deep in your head is what's putting you off then it's not a problem. I truly believe this will help you." She tried to convince him out of his stubborn refusal. However he said nothing. "Jess?"

"Don't you have other patients to be seeing?" He asked.

"Actually, I was going to have a half day, but I would rather help you."

"Fine. But if you get anything that seems too personal, I want you out of my head." Jess warned her.

"I won't be in your head per se, but okay."

This was nothing like in the movies. Jess wasn't made to lie back on a long leather sofa. The therapist wasn't chanting "You are getting sleepy." She just told him to get comfortable, close his eyes and relax. Before he knew it, he felt at ease. More at ease than he'd been in over a year. Then in a soft tone he heard a voice.

"Okay Jess. I'm going to ask you some questions. When you hear me you'll believe it's Rory. When you answer her, don't get upset, just stay completely relaxed. Answer her clearly and if you don't think she'll understand what you mean, explain yourself to her… Did you understand everything I just said Jess?" She asked him softly. Eyes still closed, he replied.

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, the next voice you're going to hear will be Rory's." Before she continued, she let her voice fade out of Jess's head. For this to work, he had to believe he was talking to Rory.

"Jess?"

"Rory?"

"Why did you leave?"

"I didn't want to disappoint you anymore."

"How did you disappoint me?"

"I couldn't take you to the prom. I wasn't graduating. I wasn't good enough for you." The therapist was beginning to like this Jess better than the real one.

"So why didn't you say goodbye?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe it would be easier that way. For you and me. I didn't think I'd be able to leave if I had to see you cry over me. It would just be another disappointment." The therapist had gotten as much as she needed to help him and was just about to wake him up when Jess started talking. "Rory?" Patients rarely spoke voluntarily under hypnosis, so she replied warily.

"Uh, yeah?"

"I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it before." Jess told 'Rory.'

"Uh, that's okay." Before Jess could speak again, the woman woke him from his trance. "Okay Jess. I'm going to count to three. When I get to three you are going to open your eyes and you won't remember the conversation you just had with Rory. 1 - 2 - 3." Jess opened his eyes.

"Have you done it?" He asked.

"Yep. Do you want me to tell what you told me?"

"Will I benefit from knowing?"

"Probably." She told him.

"Uh, maybe you could give me a copy of your notes and I can find out when I'm ready." Jess's bravado had diminished somewhat since the start of the session. Perhaps he knew what the therapist had discovered and felt ashamed.

"Sure, that's probably a good idea. That way you can deal with it in your own way in your own time."

A few minutes later the therapist re-entered the office, handing a photocopied sheet to Jess. Without looking at it he folded it up and slipped it into his back pocket.

"Okay, well I'm gonna…" He gestured to the door.

"Sure. Be sure to call and schedule another appointment with my assistant when you're ready." She urged.

"Sure. So, I'm gonna… I'll… Seeya." With that he left the office.


	6. Somebody Help Me

****

Where You Lead

Chapter - Somebody Help Me

A/N: Thanks for R and R-ing! And thanks Mirjam and Chev! You guys rock!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Full Blown Rose!

__

(Can somebody help me)

I'm being haunted by a whisper

A chill comes over me

I'm being trapped inside this moment

Now, vacant tone, I'm not a freak

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me?

I've seen the face of my addiction, of my reality

I'm being tortured by the future

Of things that yet to be

I'm being haunted by a vision

It's like the morning never comes

I feel the brain of confusion

Always searching, on the run

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me?

Jess woke abruptly to someone banging madly on the front door. The fact that Jess had just been woken from the first decent sleep he'd had in months, coupled with the incessant pounding was grating on Jess's nerves.

"MARIANO!! I know you're in there!" Yelled the apparently mad, woman in a thick New York accent.

__

Go away! He's not here. Whatever he did, you can beat him up about it later.

"JESS! I swear if you don't open this door right now…" She yelled more.

Jess, rolled onto his side. So the angry chick banging down the door wasn't one of Jimmy's floozy's. However, Jess had no friends in California… Besides a few druggies, but he was fairly sure if he opened the door, he'd receive a gun in the face or a free fix, compliments of Sticky trying to win back Jess's service. And Jess may have been somewhat stupid, but that just wasn't a path he was willing to walk down again. The banging was less erratic now. It was now more a constant pounding. _You swear what? If you don't go away, I swear I will shoot you. I don't care who you are! _As if reading Jess's mind, whoever it was stopped with the banging. Obviously tired of waiting for the door to open, they decided to leave and hopefully never come back. Closing his eyes, Jess let his mind go blank, allowing him to drift off into a light sleep. However the silent bliss was short lived, due to the fact that the woman had made her way around the house and was now tapping on Jess's window. Throwing the blankets off him, Jess got up. He stormed to the front door, opened it and started yelling.

"YOU SO BETTER BE SOME LITTLE GIRL SELLING COOKIES, COZ IF YOU'RE NOT, I SWEAR TO GOD…" He was interrupted by an attractive young woman the same age as Jess.

"You're gonna what?" She challenged.

"Amber… Hey."

"Hey? That's it? I, your best friend goes away for four years and all I get is a 'Hey'? Get over here!" She demanded.

Jess walked to where Amber was standing and wrapped his arms around her waist. In return she threw her arms around his neck. Boy, had he missed this. Amber had been the only person in Jess's life that had been able to make him talk. Anything she wanted to know, he would tell her. Mostly because she could probably kick his ass to Mars and back if he didn't, but also because he didn't feel as stupid talking to her. They'd been buddies since elementary school and she knew when he had something on his mind. Not telling her just wasn't an option. Banging on doors wasn't the only thing she was incessant at. Pulling away, Amber took a good, long look at her friend.

"Man, you look like death on legs. So… You gonna invite me in, or what?" Jess picked up the only bag she had brought and took it inside. Obviously not needing verbal invitation Amber followed.

Jess didn't bother with the illusion of cleanliness. What was the point of trying to hide how you lived? It only meant he was going to have to keep the place tidy all the time and he had more important stuff to worry about, than what Amber would think if she saw all the coffee cups and empty take-out packaging that was strewn across the living room.

"So?" Amber started a sentence that she was quite probably going to have to finish herself.

"So…." Jess said back.

"C'mon Jess. You can't just sit there and hope that I'm not gonna ask what's going on. I came all this way, now I want some answers." She told him forcefully.

"Yea… About that. You moved to England. Why are you back?"

"Jess Mariano! If you don't give me some information soon, I'm going to walk out that door and I'm never coming back!" But Jess knew better. Amber cared too much to leave without an explanation. That and she was way too damn nosy. If there was something she wanted to know, she wasn't going anywhere until she found out what it was. Jess just sat there staring at his best friend, knowing that she would crack soon.

"Fine. I originally came back on holiday. I went to a few of our old haunts in New York and word on the grapevine is that you moved to Connecticut. So I went there. Then this old guy claiming to be your uncle told me you'd come here. So here I am. Your turn." Amber explained.

"Whadya wanna know?"

"Everything! Why you moved to Connecticut. Why you left Connecticut. Why you chose California to leave to. What's been happening in the last four years. Just the basics you know!" Amber was starting to get pissed off at the whole Jess evasiveness.

"Can we talk about this later? Do you want food?" Jess asked getting up.

"Sit your ass back down Mariano." Jess knew he wasn't going to get off that easy, but he had nothing to lose by trying. He returned to his seat. "Now talk." Amber ordered.

"Mom shipped me off to Stars Hollow to live my uncle, the old guy you talked to. Apparently she couldn't handle me anymore."

"Okay… One answer down, keep talking." She prodded.

"What? That's it… There's nothing else. I came here. Jimmy kicked me out. I became a junkie. I got clean. I moved back to Jimmy's. I see a therapist. Period."

"And Jimmy would be…"

"My dad."

"Oh… wow.. That's… Is that good?" Amber was at risk of being overwhelmed at this sudden rush of information.

"It's okay. It was weird at first, but it's okay now."

"Okay… Info absorbed. Now the junkie part." She told him, folding her arms.

"I don't really wanna go into detail. It's not a fun memory. It's exactly like all the cop shows and movies… Except worse. Are we done now?" Jess was tired of the interrogating. For a while he had been glad to see Amber. That was until he remembered her need for details.

"Just about. But I wanna know about the coffee girl."

"Coffee girl? What?" Jess wasn't in the mood for riddles.

"The girl in your uncles diner. He introduced me to her, but I forget her name. She was all smiling and friendly until your uncle told her I was a friend of yours. Then her face fell and she made some excuse to leave. She couldn't have got outta there faster if she had fire right up her ass." Jess sighed and looked away.

"Rory." He whispered. He was saying it to himself more than anyone else.

"What?"

"Uh, nothin'. I was talking to myself."

"No you weren't. You said Rory. That's coffee girl. C'mon. I'm gonna find out sooner or later. Or I could just as easily call and ask _her_." Jess knew she would too, if that's what it took. After pondering it for a minute, it didn't seem like a half bad idea.

"Good idea. Maybe you could tell her sorry from me, while you're having your heart to heart." Jess replied seriously.

"You, Mariano are never sorry about anything. You musta done something pretty awful to this girl to be saying sorry." Amber assumed. Without warning Jess started the story of his Stars Hollow experience.

"Rory Gilmore is my ex-girlfriend. When I got to Stars Hollow she was dating this square. I wanted her, so I fought for her, literally. The whole town hated me for corrupting their perfect little princess. Rory and I had a disagreement at some lame party. Rory left the room crying, I followed, the square and I got into a fight, which then led to Rory not speaking to me. Jimmy came to town, then left. With Rory still not talking to me, I skipped town. That's it. That's all there is." Jess ran his fingers through his unruly hair. Talking about Rory made him want to seek out Sticky and get really wasted. That was the only way to get the terrible feeling in his gut to cease.

"You left without saying goodbye. That is such a you thing to do. It explains a lot though." Without waiting for Jess to question her last remark, she continued. "I walked to the bus stop and just about every person in town looked at me as if I were the scum on the bottom of their shoe… Did you sleep with her?"

"Amber!"

"No, Jess. It's a valid question. Have you ever met a girl you didn't sleep with?" Judging by Jess's lack of reply, Amber came to her own conclusion. "Just Rory. You love her don't you?" She asked accusingly.

"Ah jeez, no. It's been two years."

"And what? I don't care what anybody says, time does not heal all wounds."


	7. How Soon Is Now

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 7 - How Soon Is Now

A/N: Thanks for reading. And thanks Jess, my beautiful beta!!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and The Smiths!

__

I am the son  
And the heir  
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar  
I am the son and the heir  
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth  
How can you say  
I go about things the wrong way  
I am Human and I need to be loved  
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you like to go  
You could meet somebody who really loves you  
So you go, and you stand on your own  
And you leave on your own  
And you go home, and you cry  
And you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"  
Well, when exactly do you mean?  
See I've already waited too long  
And all my hope is gone

Jess and Amber talked well into the night and far into the morning. In fact they were still deep in conversation when Jimmy woke up at six to go to work. As Jimmy crept pasted them, he grinned. It was good to finally see his son happy. And this girl, whoever she was, was now Jimmy's new best friend. She'd planted a sparkle in Jess's eyes that hadn't been there before. _The shell is coming alive._ Jimmy thought to himself, as he slipped out the door without a sound.

"Please! Coldplay? An alternative band? You are so far out of your depth my friend!" Amber informed Jess playfully. "And I was thinking you had good taste in music! You might as well bust out the Justin albums right now." She smiled.

"You know what? I'm going to forgive you for that. Once. I think you need coffee! You obviously aren't thinking straight." Jess retorted.

"Maybe it's that I'm jet-lagged, I've been awake for nearly thirty hours and I've spent the majority of that time talking to you! But since you're offering…" Amber held out her mug for Jess to refill.

When Jess got back with the fresh coffees, Amber had fallen asleep on the couch. He could've woken her and she wouldn't have minded. But the truth was… Jess only kept talking because he didn't want to sleep. When he slept, he saw Rory and he was tired of feeling guilty. He was tired of loving someone that didn't love him back.

He looked back to Amber. She was the first girl he'd ever slept with. She was pretty, she was cool, she was nice, in a weird kind of way and she brought out a side of Jess, that no one else ever saw. There was just something about Amber that said "I won't judge you and I'm always here for you." And it wasn't her mouth, because Amber just would never say anything that clichéd. Jess pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. If life was simple, he was sure he could convince himself to fall in love with Amber and forget Rory… But it wasn't, so he couldn't. The phone jangled loudly, interrupting him from his thoughts and threatening to wake Amber. He leaped over the coffee table to answer it.

"Yeah?" Jess answered in his usual monosyllabic tone.

"Jess. It's Luke."

"Hi."

"Hi. So uh… I shoulda called earlier… But… Uh…"

"Luke what?"

"Some girl stopped by in town looking for you a couple of days ago. Said she was a friend of yours. Had a bit of a run in with Rory. Look, I know it's none of my business, but… If you left town for a girl… You shoulda said something to Rory. She deserved that much."

"You're right! It's none of your business. Is that all Luke?"

"Actually, there is one more thing. Your mom and her new boyfriend are getting married here. I want you to drag your scrawny butt back here for the wedding. But look, I have to go. Caesar's having a nervous breakdown because it's so early. The wedding's in two weeks. Uh… bye."

With that Luke left Jess listening to a dial tone. _Huh. My mom's getting married in the town she grew up in. Logical. And now I have to go back there. Shit._

"Who's Luke?" Amber asked groggily.

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes. Who's Luke?"

"My uncle from Stars Hollow."

"The grumpy one?"

"Yeah."

"Jess. I'm tired. So why don't you save yourself and me the energy of fighting about how long it'll take for you to tell me whatever it is you're not telling me."

"My mom's getting married."

"Again? Huh."

"The wedding's in Stars Hollow."

"Again, I say huh."

"Luke wants me to go."

"Ah. Therein lies the problem right?"

Jess didn't answer. He sat on the edge of the coffee table and ran his hands through his thick, dark hair. Amber knew this as a sign of worry from the boy of no feelings. And when he went silent with her, she knew not to push it any further. At times like this (not that there were many) Jess needed to be left alone with his thoughts. That way he could reach his own conclusions and be totally sure he was making the right decisions for him. So Amber rolled over and drifted off to sleep, while Jess just sat, staring at a stain on the carpet. _Damn weddings. Damn Jimmy. Damn everything that had led up to this damn moment._


	8. Here With Me

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 8 - Here With Me

****

A/N: Thanks to Jess for beta-ing for me. And thanks everyone, for reading!!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Dido!

I didn't hear you leave  
I wonder how am I still here  
And I don't want to move a thing  
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am  
I'll do what I want  
But I can't hide  
I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breathe  
Until you're resting here with me  
I won't leave  
I can't hide  
I cannot be  
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends  
They might wake me from this dream  
And I can't leave this bed  
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am  
I'll do what I want  
But I can't hide  
I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breathe  
Until you're resting here with me  
I won't leave  
I can't hide  
I cannot be  
Until you're resting here with me

"No matter how many times I watch it, NYPD Blue just doesn't get any better." Amber mumbled, breaking the silence. "So, on that note, I will leave you to watch it on your own." She told Jess, as she put her hand on his knee to push herself off the sofa.

"You wanna do something?" Was all Jess said.

"Such as?"

"I dunno. There's a new bar around the corner."

"Jess… A bar is so not your scene. Or mine for that matter. Besides… We gotta catch that flight to Connecticut tomorrow, remember?

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that." Jess commented sarcastically. Amber simply rolled her eyes and headed in the direction of Jess's room, in which she'd taken up residence, while Jess slept on the couch.

"Okay, so a bar's not our scene. We'll create our own scene. Less people, better music, free alcohol…" Seeing that Amber was still in resistance mode, Jess tried compromising. "Just have one drink."

"Are you sure getting drunk is a good idea given your… 'history?'"

"I'm a drug addict not an alcoholic." Without waiting for a reply, Jess exited the living room, returning a few minutes later with freshly made Margaritas and a jug. You could never just make two glasses and Amber was never one for wastage.

An hour and four Margs later, Jess and Amber were both sitting on the floor, laughing hysterically at God-knows-what."

"Damnit Jess. You said one drink!" Amber screamed, struggling to speak through the fits of laughter that had consumed her. "I'm going to bed, we have a flight tomorrow." Instead of getting to her feet, which would've been impossible, had she thought of it. She struggled to the crawling position and began to start crawling to the bedroom. Jess however hadn't lost the use of his limbs, instead he was as hyper as a two year old, who'd just learnt to walk. He ran around the couch and dropped to the floor, blocking Amber's path. Thinking it was the most hilarious gag ever, Jess burst into another laughing fit. Taking advantage of Jess's distraction, Amber turned and crawled around the sofa, taking the route Jess had taken to stop her. Nearly at the bedroom door, it looked as though Amber was home free, however at that exact moment Jess plonked himself in front of her once again. Then a sobering thought popped into Amber's head. It always did when she'd been drinking. That was the main reason she'd wanted to sleep. To get all x-rated, Jess-thoughts out of her head. She knew if she went there again with Jess, it would ruin her. Especially since he was pining over some girl on the other side of the country.

Then before she knew it, she had Jess's face between her hands and she was kissing him. And he was kissing her back. Amber knew he would regret it in the morning, but a part of her didn't care. All that mattered in that precise instant, was having Jess's hands on her, no matter what the cost.

Jess woke to find Amber curled up next to him. _Oh God. What did I do? _Jess knew Amber had never fully gotten over him. They'd been best friends forever. They'd dated for a while, then she slept with someone else and he couldn't move past it. So they stayed friends. And now this. He couldn't let her believe that he wanted it. But he also couldn't hurt her like that. Since she'd come back into his life, things had started looking up for Jess. She was a welcome distraction, just not that welcome. He got up and pulled on a pair of faded jeans. When he sat back down, Amber had slipped out of the room.

In search for her, Jess found a note on the dining table.

__

The travel agent called confirming our flights for tomorrow. Guess we got the dates mixed up. Gone to the store, be back soon,

Amber xoxo

The truth was, Amber had called the travel agent postponing Jess's flight until tomorrow. She however, had every intention of making today's flight and doing a little reparation of her own.


	9. Save Me

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 9 - Save Me A/N: Thanks Jess!! Luv ya Babe!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Remy Zero!

I feel my wings have broken in your hands  
I feel the words unspoken inside  
When they pull you under  
And I would give you any thing you want  
You were all I wanted  
All my dreams are fallin' down  
Crawlin' round (and round and round)

Somebody save me  
Let your warm hands break right through  
Somebody save me  
I don't care how you do it  
Just stay, stay  
Come on  
I've been waiting for you

I see the world has folded in your heart  
I feel the waves crash down inside  
And they pull me under  
And I would give you anything you want  
You were all I wanted  
All my dreams have fallen down  
Crawlin round (and round and round)

All my dreams are on the ground  
Crawlin' round (and round and round)

Somebody save me  
Let your warm hands break right through  
Somebody save me  
I don't care how you do it  
Just stay here with me  
I've made this whole world shine for you  
Just stay, stay  
Come on  
I'm still waiting for you

As Amber stepped through the door to Luke's Diner, she spotted Coffee Girl and an older woman sitting at the end of the counter. She took a seat at the other end and picked up a menu. As Luke came to take her order, a look of recognition crossed his face.

"Jess's friend right?" He grunted.

"Yep." Came her quick reply.

"So Jess is here?"

"Nope." For once she was glad to have one of Jess's traits tucked in the back of her mind. Evasiveness was handy in situations like this one.

"So you're here without him?"

"Yep." She took a glance in Rory's direction. "That's Mary right?" She asked nodding at Rory.

"No, that's Rory."

"Rory, right. And she's the one Jess… dated? For a while."

"Yes…. Anything else?"

"Uh, I'll just have a coffee." Seeing that Rory and the older woman were getting up to leave, Amber changed her order. "Make that to go."

"Stay away from Rory. I don't know why Jess sent you here, but stay away from her." Luke warned, handing the stranger her coffee.

"I… Jess didn't send me." She replied taking her leave.

Half an hour later Amber was wandering around the town and saw Rory talking to some tall guy. _Probably her new boyfriend. _She decided against waiting and went for the direct approach. Getting closer to Rory, Amber hesitated for a second before continuing.

"Uh, Rory?"

"Yeah?" Rory replied, turning from her conversation with Dean. "Oh. You're…"

"Jess's friend. Yeah." Amber answered, finishing the sentence. "Can we talk?"

"Umm, sure. Uh, I call you later okay?" She told Dean. He nodded and walked away. "So."

"So. Umm, now I'm here and doing this I kind of don't know what to say. Umm…"

"What does Jess want?"

"Oh, he doesn't want anything. He doesn't even know I'm here. He thinks I went for a walk." Amber informed her.

"So you got on a plane and flew two hours to Hartford and Jess thinks you're walking?"

"Basically. He's in love with you." Amber blurted out, without thinking.

"That's crazy. I haven't seen Jess in nearly two years."

"Yeah it is crazy, but it's true." Amber took a deep breath before going on. "Look. Jess has had some problems, and he's working through them, but you… seem to be the only problem he can't work through." She explained.

"Excuse me? I am _not _Jess's problem. He has problems, fine. But I am not one of them. He left _me._ He didn't say goodbye. He never called. That was his choice. This discussion is over."

"No wait. I think if he hears it from you that it's really over, he can get some closure."

"And what makes you think that if he truly loves me, that he's going to give that up?"

"I think if you tell him how happy you are with the tall guy and that things can't go back to the way they were, he might be able to move on."

"The tall guy? That is none of your, or Jess's, business." Rory yelled, getting defensive.

"Hey, I'm not trying to offend you. I'm here because my friend isn't well and I'm trying to help him."

"Why? Are you in love with him or something? Because unless you're Mother Teresa, which I'm pretty sure you're not, no one does anything unless they benefit from it in some way or other." Rory claimed.

"Jess doesn't love me. He loves you. And he needs to get over you so he can get better."

"You didn't answer my question. You love Jess, don't you?" Rory asked again.

"I've known him for a long time. I know him better than anyone. I've seen a side of him, no one will ever see. But none of that matters to Jess. When we were together, he didn't see me… he saw you."

"Together?" Rory looked away for a second before turning back to Amber. "I did not need to know that. Look, why don't you tell him for me? Tell him that I'm very happy with Dean. That I have moved on and am doing very well."

"He's flying in tomorrow for Liz's wedding. You can tell him yourself." Amber told her before leaving.

Back at the Inn, Amber decided upon calling Jess and telling him that she wouldn't be back tonight. Dialling the number, planned in her head what to say. On the fourth ring, an out of breath Jess answered.

"Yeah?"

"It's me."

"Where are you? You've been gone for hours."

"Stars Hollow."

"No really. Where are you. Sasha's getting ready to send out a search party."

"The Dragonfly Inn, Stars Hollow."

"What are you doing there?" Jess demanded seriously.

"I took a wrong turn?"

"Damn it Amber! Now is not the time to be cute! What are you doing in Stars Hollow?"

"I wanted to talk to Rory." Amber replied sombrely.

"Why the hell? You went to Stars Hollow and talked to my ex-girlfriend, about me I'm assuming! We're supposed to be friends!

"Yeah we are! But you slept with me, thinking about her! I can hold my own in a fight. I'm tough and I don't cry. But it doesn't mean I don't have feelings Jess! It hurt!" Amber allowed herself to calm down a little, then spoke again. "I'm here now, so I'll see you tomorrow."

"Whatever."

Hanging up the phone, Amber felt the urge to cry waft over her in waves. She refused to succumb to the temptation. She'd never cried over a guy and she didn't intend to start now.


	10. I'll Be There For You

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 10 - I'll Be There For You

For Jess.

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and The Rembrandts!

So no one told you life was gonna be this way  
Your job's a joke  
You're broke  
Your love life's D.O.A.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

But I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before  
I'll be there for you  
'Cause you're there for me too

You're still in bed at ten,  
And work began at eight  
You've burned your breakfast  
So far, things are goin' great  
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these  
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees  
that

I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before  
I'll be there for you  
'Cause you're there for me too

No one could ever know me  
No one could ever see me  
Seems you're the only one who knows, what it's like to be me  
Someone to face the day with  
Make it through all the rest with  
Someone I'll always laugh with  
Even at my worst I'm best with you  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

I'll be there for you I'll be there for you  
I'll be there for you...  
'Cause you're there for me too

Should he knock? Should he turn the handle, and if it opened, should he walk in? Should he wait in the lounge and hope she'd come down soon? No. All ridiculous ideas, but the last, particularly ridiculous. Walking into the inn had been hard enough the first time. Sitting in the lobby was just a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off. Eventually, he swallowed his pride, and everything else he was trying not to feel, and knocked softly on the door.

As she opened the door cautiously, the result of years of living in a big city, Jess stepped back. He didn't really want to go in. He didn't want to deal with the huge mess he'd made of everything, but change was good right? Amber opened the door and stepped aside, allowing Jess into the room. As he stepped past, she caught a whiff of his aftershave. He smelled citrus-y, but in a guy way. It was a smell she would only ever associate with him, it was a smell that would only ever smell good on him.  
Jess looked around. It was a nice enough room. Very uni-sex. No pink, no floral curtains, no tasteful, arty portraits of naked woman, that would be sure to distract a male, tasteful or not. No sports magazines, or fluffy red pillows. Very Lorelai. _Very Rory. _Jess brushed the thought away and looked to the situation at hand.

"Are you thinking about her?" Amber broke the silence, reading his mind.

"No." Jess lied. "I was thinking about what I was going to say."

"And?"

"Nothing sprung to mind."

"Huh."

"Why did you come here?"

"I already told you…"

"Yeah, to talk to Rory. Try again Amber. What could you possibly have to say to Rory, that's so 'secret' that you couldn't tell me?" Jess demanded, marking the air with his fingers.

"You wouldn't understand. And even if you would understand… What makes you think I want to tell you?" Amber, suddenly gaining inspiration, ploughed on. "I came here to get away from you. You're not the same. Ever since I got back, I've seen it. The gazing out the window. The staring off into space. The non-committal sentences. You act as if you have no place in the world anymore." She looked around the room, self-consciously. She wasn't sure if she wanted to continue with her diagnosis, but she knew she had to. "Before, you believed the world owed you some huge favour and you played the part. You were Mr. Sarcasm/Tough-Guy/Punk/Guy-With-Chip-On-His-Shoulder. And now you're just this, shell of that guy. You pine away for this girl you've placed on a pedestal, yet you refuse to do anything about it. And then there's me. The best friend/advisor/counsellour/girl-you-sleep-with-and-ditch-the-next-day. What about that?" Amber took a breath. She should not have said the last part. As much as she didn't regret it, she knew he did. And that being the case, she wanted to forget it ever happened.

Jess watched his friend as she paced the room, her voice getting louder, her accent becoming more prominent. Everything she said, hit hard. But with each word, he felt himself drifting further and further away. Because everything she said was true. He wasn't that hard-ass, punk, kid anymore. He'd seen a world that a lot of people will never see. He'd survived a war a lot of people will never survive. He'd made the second biggest mistake of his life, by having sex with his best friend. The whole time, in love with somebody that didn't love him back. And the truth was, he could never love anybody else as much as he loved Rory. That was the way it was. He couldn't help it and he couldn't change it.

Amber forced herself to look at Jess. She was met with the look of despair that had overcome him. She'd meant to shock him into realisation, not force him into hiding.

"Are you going to say anything?" She asked him, timidly.

"I was actually thinking about leaving."

"Just like that? No reply whatsoever?"

"What can I say? You're right. About all of it. I'm this pathetic loser, who ran away to California to seek out 'Daddy', then got wound up in the drug world, then slept with his friend, while in love with someone else. Is that what you wanted hear? To hear me tell you that you're always right. Well you are. I made a mistake. Several mistakes actually." Eyes blazing, Jess ran out of steam.

Amber felt as if he'd taken a swing and hit her square in the face. It was thing to know in her head that Jess regretted sleeping with her, hearing it aloud was quite another.

Covering her face, to muffle a sob, Amber turned away from Jess. She silently prayed for the water works that threatened to hold off. Gaining some form of composure, she turned back to Jess, defiantly.

"I have to shower…" Taking the hint, Jess nodded slightly and headed for the door.


	11. So Little Time

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 11 - So Little Time

For Jess.

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Arkarna.

Took a while to drag me out of bed,  
Aim some coffee at my head,  
Saw the clock I'm running late,  
It's an ordinary day.

And I'm like a dog on heat,  
Knock one out and then fall asleep,  
It's sad but true,  
I'd rather be with you.  
Don't you forget about me,  
When you're a celebrity,  
It will be only you and me before too long.

So little time so much to do,  
I'd rather spend my days with you.  
So little time so much to do,  
I'd like to spend one day with you.  
And if that day is not enough,  
Maybe we can stay in touch,  
But I'm not making plans for tomorrow,  
For tomorrow never comes.

Said I've been celibate for years,  
Not out of choices there's no-one here,  
See I can't get my end away,  
Another ordinary day,  
And I'd love to see a little more of you,  
Your clothes would look better on my bedroom floor... My bedroom floor. My bedroom floor

Don't you forget about me,  
When you're a celebrity,  
I know you're busy,  
But we all need somebody - before too long.  
So little time so much to do,  
I'd rather spend my days with you.  
So little time so much to do,  
I'd like to spend one day with you.  
And if that day is not enough,  
Maybe we can stay in touch,  
But I'm not making plans for tomorrow,  
For tomorrow never comes.

Walking with his head down, Jess remembered why he hated Stars Hollow. Straight out of some kids book. The fake smiles plastered on everyone's faces. The friendly banter. It made him sick. And then, right there. Walking across the park, hand in hand, Rory and Dean. Jess felt the urge to chunder, streak through him. To see his hands on her, to watch him kiss her… Jess's left hand curled into a fist, of it's own according. Slowly, Jess forced himself to look away and head in the opposite direction.

Heading to the only place he knew to be, Rory-free, Jess ended up at the bridge. Sitting on the edge, legs dangling above the water, he pulled out an unopened pack of cigarettes and removed the plastic covering. He'd only just made it out of the house, without Jimmy patting him down and searching his bags, so he was thankful to take refuge, in the comfort of this particular brand of cancer stick.

He didn't acknowledge Rory as she towered over him. "I don't love you." She breathed icily.

"I know." Was his only reply. Finally he conjured the courage to look up at her. Her eyes sparkled in the morning sun. Her hair was shorter, it glowed gold and orange, by the light that shone through the trees. As she turned to walk away, Jess couldn't let her leave.

"Can I talk to you?" She turned slowly, to meet his gaze.

"No. I'm sorry. It was really hard for me to come here and I just can't talk to you right now."

"Rory…" He spoke softly, before she had a chance to turn away again. Without speaking, she moved towards Jess and sat next to him. Both with their feet hanging over the water, and both staring straight ahead, but neither knew what to say now.

"I'm sorry."

"I would've waited for you. If you'd have told me where you were going and why… I'd have waited." Jess breathed in sharply. Thinking about what Rory would say to him, and actually hearing it, were miles apart. It hurt a thousand times more than he expected it to, but what he also didn't expect was for Rory to cry.

He reached a hand to her cheek, to wipe away the tear that was gliding down her face. She slapped it away, and hastily got to her feet. She brushed her face crudely to erase the tears, and let indifference take over her face.

"How dare you just come back here, no word, no nothing and expect me to forgive you!" As she ran past him, Jess too, got to his feet and ran after her.

"Rory wait." He'd spent too many months trying to put together a good enough apology, to let the moment slip away. Now an arms length away, Jess reached out and gently grabbed Rory's arm. Without thinking, he curled his fingers behind her head and pulled her to him. As their lips met, Rory struggled momentarily, then ran her tongue across Jess's lips, urging them apart.

Jess received the gesture thankfully. He groaned as she pulled away, only far enough to take a short breath. As if it were even possible, Jess wrapped his arms around Rory's waist in attempts to pull her closer still. She rose slightly on her toes, to give him better access to her mouth. Jess brought his hand back to Rory's face. He felt her skin flush as he continued to explore her tongue with his own. A taste he would never have enough of.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Jess and Rory shot away from each other.

"Dean…" Rory tried to ease the tension, while Jess backed away, leaving them to sort it out.

"So what am I, like your 'go-to' guy? Some guy to tide you over, until this jerk decides to surface again?" He yelled, gesturing in Jess's direction.

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it like Rory? Is one guy not enough for you? Or is it that _I'm _not enough for you?" Getting angrier as the seconds passed, Dean turned to Jess. "What is it that she sees in you? You treat her like crap, you leave without a word, then you come back to town for a couple of hours and she's all over you like a rash! What's with that?"

Jess had held off for as long as he could. He'd bit his tongue several times in the last few minutes, determined to let them work it out alone, but he'd finally had enough. He approached Dean casually, and as soon he was close enough, he took a swing. His fist colliding smoothly with Dean's jaw. Jess felt it crunch slightly beneath his knuckles. Before he had a chance to consider his next move, Dean's fist met his ribcage. He doubled over in pain. Dean took the opportunity to kick him while he was down. Literally. His steel-capped work boot, connected with Jess's ribcage again, a few inches above where he'd struck last time.

Still crippled in pain, Jess got to his feet and swung hard and fast, at Dean's face. Resulting in the constant stream of blood, pouring from Dean's nose. Jess could only faintly hear Rory's cries to stop. Dean made him angrier than anyone else ever had, and he had to make sure everyone knew it. Arm still held across his torso, clutching the quite possibly broken ribs, Jess paused to consider his next option. Before he could think, Dean's hand was once again slamming into his face, this time his jaw. He felt blood drip from his lip and slide down his chin.

Then readying himself for his next move, Jess found himself face to face with Amber. Before he could stop himself, he dropped to his knees. Amber knelt beside him. She dabbed at Jess's cut lip with the end of her sleeve, and surveyed the damage. Over Amber's shoulder, Jess could see Rory tending to Dean. All he wanted to do was go over and kick him, until he was unconscious, or dead, or both. He wanted Rory's hands off the giant. He averted his eyes back to Amber, who was talking into a cell phone.

"Luke will be here in a minute." Was all she said, as she started to help Jess to his feet. Groaning as his ribs shifted against Amber's side, Jess looked back at Rory once more. Dean was lying on the ground, with his head in her lap, trying to make the blood stop dripping from his nose.

The pain he felt on the outside was a pinprick, compared to what he felt when he saw Rory with Dean.


	12. I'll Be Ready

Where You Lead

Chapter 12 - I'll Be Ready

For Jess for loving Amber, and loving me and being so patient!

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and the singer of this song!

Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light

And some people need, to have somebody

When the edge of surrender's in sight

Don't you worry, it's gonna be alright

'Cause I'm always ready, I won't let you out of my sight

I'll be ready

Never you fear

I'll be ready

Forever and always, I'm always here

In us we all have the power, for sometimes it's so hard to see

And instinct is stronger than reason

It's just human nature to me

Don't you worry, it's gonna be alright

'Cause I'm always ready, I won't let you out of my sight

I'll be ready

Never you fear

I'll be ready

Forever and always, I'm always here

'Cause I'm always ready, I won't let you out of my sight

I'll be ready

Never you fear

I'll be ready

Forever and always, I'm always here

Amber watched her friend as he nursed his black eye with a bag of ice. He'd refused to let her help him any more than he needed. Despite the bruises spattered over his face, the limping, and the hand permanently clutched to his side, Amber had never seen Jess in more pain, than the pain that clouded his eyes in un-reparable despair. He sighed as he shifted the bag in his hand in moving it to his lip.

"Let me call a doctor. Your ribs have to be broken." Amber asked gently.

"Amber, back off. I'm fine."

"No you're not fine! Not fine at all Jess. You're sitting there like a wounded soldier, feeling sorry for yourself, probably trying to plot the perfect murder in your head. Fighting the tall guy is not the way to get her back." Jess looked up from the spot on the carpet.

"I thought you were in punishment mode." Was his only reaction.

"I don't need to be. You do that enough on your own."

"So, I'm not allowed to fight Dean. What do you suggest I do? 'Cause short of getting on my knees and begging, I've pretty much tried the only thing I thought might work." Amber turned her head to her suitcase, suddenly finding the zipper incredibly fascinating.

"Why her?" She asked, snapping her head back towards Jess.

"Huh?"

"I just don't understand what it is about her that makes her so special."

"Amber…"

"I mean, you go to hell and back because of her, you get your ass kicked by a really tall, giant-ish guy, and you still want to fight for her. Surely she's not worth all that." She spoke quickly, cutting Jess off.

"She is…" Amber looked into Jess's eyes. "And don't call me Shirley." Jess added with a smirk.

"Jess, I'm being serious. She's just like any other girl."

"She is _not _like any other girl. She's smart. She's beautiful. She gave me a chance when no one else in this God awful town would. She never expected anything from me, she didn't judge me. And every time I was a jerk, she forgave me."

"So that's it? You're looking for an easy lay, and to be a jerk and get away with it?"

"Jeez…"

"Don't 'Jeez' me Jess. 'Cause from where I'm standing, that's exactly how it sounds!"

"You know nothing about Rory. Or me! You went to England and I came here. I met a girl and for the first time since you left, I was happy, and you can't stand that! You can't fathom the thought that you might not be the only person in this God damned world that I care about. Reality check Amber, the world does not spin on its axis solely for you!"

Amber was about to retaliate when a soft knock on the door interrupted their screaming match.

Irony was a bitch at the best of times, so when Amber swung the door open, causing the smooth, polished wood, to collide dangerously with the bedside cabinet, Rory jumped.

"What a surprise." Amber spat at her, before snatching her wallet off the bed and walking out, slamming the door behind her.

"She loves you."

"She'll get over it."

"Like you did?"

Jess brought his hand to his face and rubbed his chin. He'd never thought about it that way before. He'd never really had to. He'd only ever focused on his own pain and his own troubles. He didn't have time to worry about what Amber might be going through. But this was Amber they were talking about. She was tough as old boots. She'd never cried, never lost a fight, definitely never talked about her feelings. She was Jess's twin soul. But being Jess hadn't been the most fun lately, or ever. Excluding the few months that he was with Rory.

"I'm sorry." Jess looked up at Rory.

"For what?" He asked her gruffly.

"I don't know… It just feels like I should be saying sorry." He didn't reply. She didn't expect him to. "Please tell me what happened in California."

"Nothing happened in California. I should go find Amber."

"Something did happen. When Amber arrived here yesterday, she told me that you had problems. And that I was one of them. And I didn't believe her. And then I saw you at the bridge, and you looked like this crumpled, broken guy. Not half the guy I remember, and I realised that…. That she was right."

"You are not a problem Rory. What went wrong between us… It was my fault. And then I got mixed up in stuff I shouldn't have gotten mixed up in and…" Jess trailed off into a slur of words and emotion.

"And what?"

"Living with myself became the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Oh God. You didn't kill someone did you?" Jess's answer got lost in the noise of Amber crashing back into the room.

"You know what? This is my room. Get out!" She yelled, looking Rory in the eye.

"Amber… We'll only be a few minutes." Jess spoke softly.

"Actually, no. _We'll _only be a few minutes. Outside?" She spoke to Rory, gesturing to the hall through the open door. Rory looked to Jess for answers, for an explanation, before following Amber down the stairs and out, onto the veranda.

"Jess has been through things you'll never imagine. He's done things you'll never do. You and him are like… A fish and a bird. The fish ain't ever gonna fly. And the bird ain't ever gonna swim. You get what I'm sayin' Rory?" Amber's thick New York accent, showing its true colours.

"You don't know me at all! So don't stand there and tell me how much of a bird I am!" Rory retorted, with fire in her eyes.

"Jess is the bird. And you're weighing him down. All you're doing for him is stopping him from being able to fly. Don't keep him from flying." Amber spoke in pure calmness, before stepping around Rory, heading up the stairs and back to her room.

"Don't keep him from flying."

Rory dug deep to keep the tears from flowing. She refused to listen to some city girl about how she should deal with her love life. And despite everything, she did love Jess. She tried not to, she wished she didn't, but she couldn't help it. Every time he got near her, he infected her like some sort of terminal disease. Rory tried to pretend she didn't feel it, and even harder than that, she tried to fight it, but when she looked into his eyes, the will to fight it, drifted away.

Granted, she hadn't tried very hard to make him go away, and the truth was, she didn't want him to go back to New York, or California, or anywhere that wasn't Stars Hollow. Losing him had been hard enough the first time, and she was damned if she was going to give him up all over again.

She was not going to let that heartbreaking kiss at the bridge, be the last.


	13. You're Not The Boss Of Me

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 13 - You're Not the Boss of Me

For Jess. For the purpose of this story there is now an alley between the diner and Taylor's Ice-cream Shoppe

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and The Might Be Giants

__

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know

Can you repeat the question

You're not the boss of me now

You're not the boss of me now

You're not the boss of me now

And you're not so big

You're not the boss of me now

You're not the boss of me now

You're not the boss of me now

And you're not so big

Life is unfair…

As his world spun black and grey, Jess groaned and sunk deeper into Luke's sofa. Events of the past two days had just about given him a harsh shove back onto the dark path.

He knew he was the spawn of two of the worlds biggest mistake makers, but now it seemed, despite the monstrous cock-ups of his parents, the student had surpassed the masters.

He'd succeeded in screwing everything up in so many different ways, including his own life, that the temptation to hurl himself into the bottomless hole life had put in front of him, was getting harder to resist. How was one supposed to hold onto his best friend, fight for the love of his life, all the while trying to keep his sanity?

Jess was sorry he'd hurt Amber. He was sorry he hadn't been up front with her about Rory from the start. But he wasn't sorry for kissing Rory, for allowing Rory to kiss him back. Any instinct within Jess that was telling him to go home, back to California, back to Jimmy, had an equal and opposite instinct telling him to stay. Stay for Rory; show her that he'd changed. That he's capable of feeling something, of believing in something.

He needed to prove to Amber that he still needed her, but he needed Rory too. He loved Amber, but he was in love with Rory, and somehow he needed to tell her that.

Luke storming into the apartment shook Jess from his thoughts.

"You're still here." Luke grumbled, less a question, than a statement.

"Yeah."

Neither spoke after that. Luke removed two beers from the fridge and handed one to Jess, before taking a seat at the other end of the sofa. Jess shifted in his seat, Luke sighed.

"Your mom's downstairs." Luke broke the silence with a nonchalant, neutral topic.

"Huh." Jess retaliated with a one-worded answer, to appear as if he was listening, but not investing himself wholly in the conversation.

"She's being a pain in the ass, ordering food from here to Chinatown. TJ's trying to impress everyone with that damn etch-a-sketch."

"TJ?"

"The husband."

"Ah."

"Jess. Are you okay?" Jess looked at his uncle quizzically. Luke showed no signs that he'd just asked a question, he stared at the carpet and took a swig of his slowly warming beer.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?" Luke asked again, still looking to the floor, with a beer in his hand.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I was talking to Lorelai… And Dean's mom…" Jess didn't speak. Nothing he could come up with would suffice. There was no plausible justification for kissing Rory, or getting into a fight with Dean.

"And I'm public enemy number one? What else is new?"

"Is that why you came back Jess? For Rory?"

"She's the reason I stayed away." He couldn't even say her name. "I came back because my mother is getting married. That's it. Period. And I would not have brought Amber with me if I was coming here for Rory." Luke nodded as Jess finished the longest sentence he'd said to Luke since he got back into town.

Having had enough of Luke's indirect interrogation, Jess pushed himself off the sofa, grabbed his coat off the dining table and stormed out, slamming the flimsy door behind him.

Rory stood in the metre wide alley between Luke's and the Ice-cream Shoppe, encouraging herself to step a few feet around the corner and go into the diner. She was hungry, for food among other things, but the thought that Jess might be there scared her. And thrilled her. Never in her life had Rory had such mixed emotions about anything. She hated not having control over what she was feeling. And Jess Mariano was the cause of that problem. The only way to move past it would be to face it head on.

As she finally worked up the courage to step around the corner, she was bowled backwards by an extremely angry Jess.

Without a word he took her by the shoulders, pushed her gently backwards, out of view of any wandering eyes, leaned down and pressed his lips hungrily to hers.

"Jess…" Rory breathed, as Jess found a kissable spot below her ear. "We can't… I'm with…" Jess didn't need to hear his name. He released his grasp of Rory's shoulders and backed slowly away, refusing to look her in the eye.

Without warning, Rory put her hands to Jess's face and pulled him to her. She tilted her head upwards and brushed her lips against his. Jess's lips parted, welcoming the unexpected affection.

Against everything his body was telling him, Jess gripped Rory's waist and pulled her away from him.

"What about…" Rory silenced Jess with her mouth.

"I don't care about him. I want you." Rory murmured against his lips.


	14. I'm No Superman

****

Where You Lead

Chapter 13 - I'm No Superman

For Jess and Lyds.

Disclaimer: Thanks ASP and Lazlo Bane

__

Out the door, just in time

Head down the four-oh-five

Gotta meet the new boss by eight am

The phone rings in the car, the wife is working hard

She's running late tonight again

Well I know what I've been told

You gotta work to feed the soul

But I can't do this all on my own

No, I'm no

I'm no superman

I'm no superman

You've got your love online

You think you're doing fine

But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards

Won't get you very far

There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well I know what I've been told

You gotta know just when to fold

But I can't do this all on my own

No, I'm no

I'm no superman

I'm no superman

You've crossed the finish line

Won the race, but lost your mind

Wasn't worth it after all

I'll leave you here with me

'Cause love is all we need

Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told

Gotta break free to break the mould

But I can't do this all on my own

No, I can't do this all on my own

I'm no superman

I'm no superman

Jess held the recently purchased mobile phone to his ear. "Hey… Is it… I think we should…" He jumped as the monophonic version of London Calling started to play in his ear. _Guess that's all the practising I'm gonna do… _He thought to himself as he briefly checked the caller ID, then pressed 'talk'.

"Hey."

"Hey. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Listen… Can we keep this to ourselves for a while… whatever we're doing… Last night… I mean…Everyone will roll their eyes. And your mom will start treating me like Satan again… And Luke…" Rory interrupted him before he could stumble on anymore.

"Jess. I don't know what any of this means either, so we should definitely not tell anyone."

"Right, 'cause I have to tell Amber first and there's Luke and your mom to deal with…"

"…it's easier this way."

"Right." They each had a habit of being able to finish each others sentences. This being the case, why was this conversation so awkward?

"So why is this so hard?" Rory barely breathed as she spoke into the phone.

"I don't know. I think we both need to figure out what we want, before we make any decisions." There was silence for a few moments. "Rory?"

"Yeah. You're right. We do need to do some thinking."

"Agreed. So I'll see you later?" Jess asked with a hint of hope traceable in his voice.

"Yeah probably. I'll let you know. Bye." Jess pressed 'end' and chucked the phone on the couch. He would be happy if he never had to endure another phone call like that for the rest of his life.

About to flop down on Luke's bed, someone tapped on the apartment door. As he opened it, an angry looking Amber stormed in, strode straight up to Jess, thrust a dry-cleaned suit at him and stormed back out and down the stairs. Confused and somewhat maddened by the lack of speech on Amber's part, he threw the suit down, vaulted himself over the couch and ran down the stairs and into the diner just in time to watch the door close as Amber headed across the park. Before he could follow, he was accosted by Luke, who was carrying three coffees and a plate of eggs.

"Jess. Take these."

"I'm kinda busy."

"I know you are. You're busy taking these coffees outta my hands."

"I have to find Amber. She practically threw a suit in my face and I wanna know why." Jess explained, slightly annoyed that he had to explain himself at all.

"That's would be my doing. Taylor's started another freakin' town tradition, and if I have to go, you're going too."

"No."

"I asked Amber to take it up to you."

"I'm not taking part in one of this towns ridiculous rituals. I don't live here, I won't encourage the insanity."

"Rory will be there."

"So?" A moment of silence ensued as realisation hit Jess. "You didn't tell Amber that Rory and I were going together did you?"

"Well aren't you?" Luke replied with a knowing smirk.

"Shit Luke!" Jess stepped around his uncle and exited the diner in search of his friend.

Amber was throwing the last of her clothes into her suitcase when Jess barged into her room at the Dragonfly Inn.

"I'm not going to anything with Rory."

"Okay." Was Amber's only reply, now zipping her suitcase closed.

"Where are you going?"

"Home. I hate this town. It's happy all the Goddamn time. It's small. It's full of freakin' scandal. I hate it here. I want to go home."

"I hate it too, so wait until my mom gets married and we'll go home together." Jess tried his best to persuade her.

"I'm going now. My flight is at three. If you want to come you're more than welcome to join me, but I'm going whether you come or not." Jess considered this for a moment. He may finally be getting Rory back. He didn't know if he could just walk out on that again. And leaving now, right before his mothers wedding, would only lead the whole town to believe that he was the same dropkick he was two years ago.

"My mom's getting married…" He trailed off.

"So you should stay." She lifted her suitcase off the bed and walked the three steps towards Jess and hugged him. "I'll see you when I see you." With that she left Jess standing in her now vacated room.

Out the window, Jess watched his friend get into a taxi driven by Kirk and head down the main street and out of town.

Back at the diner, Taylor was stringing a banner between the traffic light and a lamp post. "ANNUAL BALL. COME ONE COME ALL." _Ah jeez!_

"I trust you'll leave your delinquent behaviour at home for the ball Mr Mariano?" Taylor called across the street. Jess had to remind himself of his age, before instinct kicked in and he retaliated with the one finger salute.

"I leave everything at home Taylor. I won't be attending your little party." Jess didn't stick around for Taylor's reply. If he did, Taylor probably wouldn't be up that ladder much longer.

Inside the diner, every customer was either gazing out the window at the new banner, or gossiping about who was going with who, or fretting over what they were going to wear. Not one person had anything else of value to talk about. He rolled his eyes. Times like this only convinced Jess that he really didn't belong here.


End file.
